Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
