If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
