It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
