its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
