tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
