i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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