Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
this hospital has no fireball
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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