there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
