Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
