I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
