Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
