dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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