For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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