fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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