I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
