Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
