if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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