If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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