His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
