He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
