Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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