Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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