So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
