I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
