We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
