last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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