Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
