And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
