So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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