Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
