Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
