It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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