Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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