thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
