just tell him i said nine months
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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