you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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