Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
