Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
