I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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