I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
