I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
last night I used snow as a chaser
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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