He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
