Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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