No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
