Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
