If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
