Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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