I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This girl is more easily done than said...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
