i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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