After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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