Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
