I bet he comes in French.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she looked like the before picture.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
